Flatulation is a natural expulsion of gas from matter and that includes the human body.  Stay tuned to check out Bill Nye the Science Guy video's and watch Dr. OZ on T.V.  Both of them have the best way of explaining everything there is to know from questions asked about the most unusual, intimate, and embarrassing things in life and make them expressively fun especially on the subject of sounds.  Sounds are many of the wonders of the world that are so mysterious, thrilling, funny and exciting.  No wonder they're called a gas!!! 

The Toot of A Poot
by
"The Fartonomous" Jeanbean

There's nothing like the sound of a fart,
especially when it's taken to heart.
As it permeates the air,
just excuse yourself with flair.
There's nothing like the sound of a fart.

There's nothing like the sound of a poot,
growing from the bottom up like a root.
A small puff, here and there,
a poofy puff everywhere.
There's nothing like the toot of a poot.

It can squirt.  It can spurt an expulsion of gas,
from the bottom of your body it usually will pass.
It can swell.  It can smell.  But the kind you can't hear,
brings out the kind that you wish wouldn't come out of your rear.  Oh dear!

There's nothing like the sound of a fart,
whether in whole or in part.
Some people laugh out loud,
when it rips through a crowd,
There's nothing like the sound of a fart.

(Slower)
Now whenever you get as far as growing old,
too bad you can't put old age on hold.
Your bowels may become weak and they're liable to leak,
so with this active projection make sure you have protection.
Just take a few pills a pharmacist would know called, "Beano!"
 
Finally, this poem simply ends.
You can also check up on wearing a "Depends."

There's nothing like the sound of a fart,
especially when it's taken to heart.
As it permeates the air just excuse yourself with flair.
And give a wink if you stink,
with no assumption "by gumption,"
when natural gas in us all,
growing from the bottom up like a root,
comes from the toot of a poot.   Toot!  Toot!

A Splitting Laugh

At the present time, I would split my pants if I could do the splits!

Two Birds of A Feather

One of the greatest comedians of all time had a name that was more than skin deep.  His last name definately had character.  He was known for his clever portrayal of lighthearted and whimsical characters.  His name was Red Skelton.

To me he was considered one of the greatest comedians of all time along with my other favorites such as Carol Burnett and Lucille Ball.

Red Skelton had many character friends he played.  I'm going to use two of his seagull characters related to "Gertrude and Heathcliffe." You will meet Cousin Rubella and Cousin Rubert.

Both of them join as one to turn upon something in today's world.  It's a great calling to all bluebirds of happiness.  I put them on a mission in the following vignette to express revenge in using a "play with words " scenario to teach humankind a descriptive language lesson of moral value very much needed and missing in the world today.

"Hey Rubella, even though we're not bluebirds, there are some things that all birds have in common like people have in common," said Rubert diligently.

"What's that?" remarked Rubella.

"There's no such thing as a bluebird of happiness when there's too much anger in trying to figure out which feathers really need all of the ruffling.  Why don't we help our fellow feathered friends with a special bird calling for a worthy cause to ruffle just enough feathers?"

Rubella replied with eagerness, "I'll be glad to start it all off."

"Be my guest!" answered Rubert.

"May the true bluebird's of happiness dump from the sky, the biggest load of a mess upon any evil eye.  May the load be just enough when there is ever a great need, to do what must be done when evil pecks away at any good deed."

Rubella said, "You know Rubert, this helps a little, but I think we should round up some cows instead."

"You have a great "peck of a point" my friend," said Rubert.

Rubella said, "Remember we're never a peck of trouble when our help is always on the double.  We also need to round up some bulls too!  We need plenty of them."

Rubert looked doubly directly at Rubella and sighed, "It's never going to be enough and are you sure we'll know the difference between them?  Because we're two crossed eyed seagulls and end up seeing in the wrong direction?"

Rubella said, "Unfortunately it runs in the family, but simply try changing your thoughts to this... not when we think enough in knowing when we can see our eyes cross paths in the right direction."

Rubert still didn't understand.  "How will we ever know to hit the right target?

Rubella reasurred Rubert by saying, "Just be sure to get enough of our fine feathered friends to only take the bulls by their horns and hit a bull's eye instead."

"What if we don't hit any bull's eyes?" said Rubert.

Suddenly a bluebird of happiness flew by and loudly chirped, "Hey four eyes don't give up, you have an advantage you both can pull, both of you can make cow pies so you're liable to hit something if you keep on "shooting the bull!"

So Rubella and Rubert had a hey-day with the cows and "shooting the bull" with the bulls and squawked, "We'll double the pleasure and double the fun, but there's nothing better than seeing four dumps to every evil one!"

The moral is:  A true bluebird of happiness can always make the right peck at the right point! 

 

  Signs of Senility

I know for a fact that senility is not any different from going through the womanly change of life.

It's all a mind thing.  Funny...after all this time, I don't remember being absent minded.

I feel pretty good in saying that I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.  What's even better is if all is not lost then where is it.

Since I'm really into this mind thing, I have a strong sense of spirituality in connecting myself to the heavy and deep signs of senility.  These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter.  I go somewhere and do something and wonder what I'm here after.

 

It's Not "Over"

It's not "over" when your underwear gets lost in your blubber and your rear looks bare.
It's not "over" when you simply decide to jiggle, giggle and wiggle and yet still can't find
what's really there between the cracks and the crevices of your underwear.


"Butting Heads to the Behind"

It's another name given to a donkey or mule.  It's also common to what some people consider in being a stubborn animal.  When the animal gets so angry they forget to use their head.  If they do, it knocks the sense out of them and goes down to their behind.  That's why they're called a Jackass.